Invisible Illness Week

Diabetes, it truly is an invisible illness.  I look okay on the outside.  You can’t tell that I’m feeling like hell when my blood sugar is too high or low.  Truthfully, at least one or the other happens frequently.  I try to stay in that “normal” golden range, but it is a seriously small range.   Finding balance is important, but it’s hard to act as one of your internal organs accurately…I often find myself wondering “What would Pancreas do?”  Ah the things he'd say if he were here.

 

For example:  Here Pancreas would say to me “Well played Nitwit!”.  Yes, I see my Pancreas as snarkily sarcastic.

 

Here he would say:  “WTF?” and probably use both my first and middle name.  I would quickly remind him that he left town and that he needs to act up or shut up. 

It’s every moment of every day.  Even preparing to sleep takes a great deal of thought so that I don’t go dangerously low or high while I sleep.  I take five or six shots a day.  Sometimes though, it’s MORE.  It’s never ever LESS of course, because Type 1 diabetics never get a day off from shots and blood sugar tests.  When I get sick I need even more insulin, I need even more blood tests.  When I’m sick, I feel like diabetes is flipping me off…Big time.    

Unless you live with me or go out to eat with me, chances are, you never see me pull out my little glass vial of life saving liquid and my trusty syringe.  You don’t see me pause to test my blood sugars up to eight times a day because it’s very personal and I don’t love an audience when I do it.  To clarify, I’m not ashamed.  I just don’t always feel like sharing.  You may not see what a serious illness I have. 

(Yes, I am re-using some of my previous pics, thought they fit well with this subject.)

I’m thankful to have my blog.  Your comments and support, and the therapy of writing, gives me a huge sense of comfort while I’m dealing with diabetes.  I’m thankful for my shots, my meter, and my patient family that magically knows when I’m high or low based on my mood.  I am thankful to have you all, my dear blog family.  Please know, we are in this together, I feel you.   XOXO

The Unapologetic Explanation

I want to clarify why I chose my blog name “Unapologetic Diabetic”.  Sometimes I find myself apologizing when I’m not at fault.  Bump into me at the supermarket?  Sorry.  Couldn’t catch the ball I threw?  Sorry.  Spill your coffee on me?  Sorry.  Injecting myself at the dinner table bother you?  Sorry.  That’s where I draw the line.  I need to do this, you don’t need to watch.

I won’t apologize for being diabetic.  I did not cause my diabetes.  It was like a lightning strike.  One day I was fine and the next...I was walking around with a completely unaccommodating pancreas. 

I won’t apologize for crazy blood sugar numbers…I’m diabetic…it happens.  That said, I do try to keep from having them in the first place, I test and correct, but it does happen sometimes, and that is ok. 

I won’t apologize for being low and having to stop whatever I’m doing to inhale sugar.  NOTHING is fun when you’re low (no Hubby, not even that).  When I’m low I need to correct it.  My life actually depends on it.  My loved ones understand this, and they love me anyway.

I won’t apologize for having my DOC friend’s backs in a bar fight, should one occur.  Mess with one of us and you mess with all of us.  Anyone dealing with diabetes knows the bond it brings.  If you have a wonky pancreas, or adore someone with a wonky pancreas that can vouch for you, you’re in.      

I won’t apologize for occasionally baking goodies that have enough butter and sugar in them to make Paula Deen blush.  As long as I count carbs and take my shot (and get my ass on the “dreadmill”)…I can eat them too!

I won’t apologize for the dumb mistakes I make dealing with diabetes.  You live and learn.  After seventeen years I’m still learning about diabetes and working to stay healthy and happy for the long haul.    

I’m learning to accept myself the way I am.  I’m getting better at it.  Save the apologies for when you accidently drop an anvil on someone’s foot.  You should totally apologize for that.  J

The Number Game that is "D"

300

It can be a cool number, if it is say…

 

The movie full of hunky, sweaty Gladiators…Mmm Gerard Butler

A check in your name...Score!

Puppies!

The number of chocolates in your freezer...a delicious arsenal to treat lows!

An original price on some spanky “stripper” boots on a closeout sale (If you read Lora's http://www.mydiabetic-child.com/and Reyna’s http://betabuddies.blogspot.com/ blogs, you are familiar with the stripper shoe obsession)

A lovely Giftcard balance

It is a sucky, no good number if it is…

Your blood sugar upon wakeup today.  Nuff said.

Just to make myself feel better...I think another hot Gladiator photo is in order.

Allie and Me

My new article about my diagnosis at eighteen years old and the furry little angel that helped me through it was just posted on the Diabetes Health website. You can read it by clicking the following link http://www.diabeteshealth.com/read/2011/09/01/7254/allie-and-me/#share or visit the website at: www.diabeteshealth.com and click the article in my name - Meagan Esler. 

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice!

Sorry it’s been so long since my last post.  My blood sugars have been PMS’ing and unpredictable.  The other day I had a headache, a nosebleed, low blood sugar, high blood sugar, absolute and utter exhaustion, and still…it was amazing.  It was literally one of the best days of my life.  You are probably wondering if I hit my head.  How can a day like that have turned out so well? 

My newest niece was born just before 8a.m.  My sister asked me to be in the delivery room with her for the C-Section.  As I got ready for the birth and changed into my scrubs, I discovered that a hot pink bra is a no-no when wearing surprisingly see-through navy blue scrubs.  I had high blood sugar that morning upon waking so I took a massive shot…and regretted it as I felt it dropping and I realized I’d have a mask on and no sugar nearby in the operating room.  I was inhaling Skittles and having a quiet personal freak out as my sister was being prepped, when all the sudden a delightful nurse asked if I wanted juice.  “YES!” I replied as I downed as much glucose as my excited CrAzY self could stomach (what with all the nervous butterflies).  Thank goodness for the sugar, after the surgery my blood sugar was a happy 107.  I also snagged an extra juice in case the “baby daddy” needed one later since he is also a type 1 diabetic that has a knack (like me!) of going low in allll the wrong places. 

When the doctor said “stand up” to me so I could get the very first glimpse of my tiny, wiggling pink niece, I cried like a baby.  What a beautiful experience.  She was (thank you God) perfect.

We needed that little sweetie to be perfect.  My sister has been through difficult deliveries that resulted in NICU stays for two of her older children.  Her husband has Type 1 diabetes, her sister (me) has Type 1 diabetes, her other daughter has cerebral palsy.  She has a full plate with all of us needing her support and advice on a regular basis.  She never fails.  She gives unbelievable amounts of time and love to each of us.  She is, without question, my best girlfriend.  I’d do anything for her.       

All went well, baby and sis are doing great and this proud Auntie (whose name happens to be the baby’s middle name!) is on cloud nine.  J

It's August 12th, Time for 12 of 12!!!!!

On the 12th day of each month bloggers from all over the world take 12 photos of their day. The 12 of 12 project was Chad’s idea, go to his website to see links from the people who participated this month and to post a link to yours!

We were off work this week on vacation, but we stayed close to home.  Here was my day...

Ooh, the suspense!!!  

*Forehead Slap* as I realize it is after noon and I haven't taken my long-lasting injection yet.   Grrrr.

I know I'll regret posting this unflattering shot (Ha, "shot"!  Seriously...no pun intended!), but it's a day in the life of living with D.  Long-lasting insulin administered.  :)

Hubs and I went bowling.  Was going to make a "ball" joke here, but thought better of it. 

That sir, was a gutterball.  D'oh!

I won the first game!!!  He kicked my behind on the second one though. 

Picked up prescriptions.  Wondering why they are about $130 less than usual. Hmm. 

Oh boy,  why do I only have one bottle of Humalog for three months???  Pharmacy has to call the doc...we've only been doing this at the same doctor's office for SEVENTEEN YEARS.  Maybe someday, they'll get my re-fills right.

Chick-fil-A Chicken Salad for lunch.  I know I should've passed on the breaded chicken, but it was SO GOOD.  :)

Missed some of Shark Week so we had some catching up to do on the DVR.  Love Shark Week!

How cool is he?!?!?

Because last week's Diabetic Ice Cream Social was so much fun we had to do it again. :)  Finishing off the vacation with a small Oreo Blizzard from DQ.  Yum!   Goodnight Blog Buddies!

We Need A Cure

I feel like I’m at a loss for words.  Two lives lost to diabetes in the past 24 hours and a third reportedly hangs in the balance.  My prayers and thoughts are with the families.  I’m sad.  I’m heartbroken.  I’m angry.  My rage is with diabetes.

The lows scare me.  I’m certain they scare all of us, and our families.  I went low one night, about fourteen years ago and still, it seems like only yesterday.  To this day, I run my sugars high at night because of that night. 

I had gone to bed without eating, a simple act that anyone without diabetes can do.  Upset with a co-worker, I forgot to eat and fell asleep.  My live-in boyfriend at the time found me soaked in sweat, shaking and unresponsive.  He tried rubbing syrup in my cheeks to wake me – unfortunately he used sugar-free syrup…seriously.  We had no glucagon and had never even heard of or been trained to use glucagon.  Thankfully, he called 911.

I “woke” making noises like an animal in distress.  I couldn’t speak.  I was terrified.  I couldn’t respond as they called my name.  I literally had a problem with my own name for a while after that night, simply because the fire chief had continuously called my name in a rather stern tone, while he tried to calm me.  “Combative” was the term they used to describe me. 

I woke in the ER throwing up.  They tried to feed me a banana and I threw up some more.  I found this was a side effect of glucagon.  My tongue was killing me and I found it was bloody and scarred from biting it during my low.  It still has slight scarring to this day, reminding me of that unforgettable night. 

No one should have to go through this.  No one should have to be scared to go to sleep each night.  No family should experience this senseless loss.  We need a cure.  Falling asleep at night without eating should not be a fatal mistake.  I keep praying, fighting and wishing for that cure.