Invisible Illness Week

Diabetes, it truly is an invisible illness.  I look okay on the outside.  You can’t tell that I’m feeling like hell when my blood sugar is too high or low.  Truthfully, at least one or the other happens frequently.  I try to stay in that “normal” golden range, but it is a seriously small range.   Finding balance is important, but it’s hard to act as one of your internal organs accurately…I often find myself wondering “What would Pancreas do?”  Ah the things he'd say if he were here.

 

For example:  Here Pancreas would say to me “Well played Nitwit!”.  Yes, I see my Pancreas as snarkily sarcastic.

 

Here he would say:  “WTF?” and probably use both my first and middle name.  I would quickly remind him that he left town and that he needs to act up or shut up. 

It’s every moment of every day.  Even preparing to sleep takes a great deal of thought so that I don’t go dangerously low or high while I sleep.  I take five or six shots a day.  Sometimes though, it’s MORE.  It’s never ever LESS of course, because Type 1 diabetics never get a day off from shots and blood sugar tests.  When I get sick I need even more insulin, I need even more blood tests.  When I’m sick, I feel like diabetes is flipping me off…Big time.    

Unless you live with me or go out to eat with me, chances are, you never see me pull out my little glass vial of life saving liquid and my trusty syringe.  You don’t see me pause to test my blood sugars up to eight times a day because it’s very personal and I don’t love an audience when I do it.  To clarify, I’m not ashamed.  I just don’t always feel like sharing.  You may not see what a serious illness I have. 

(Yes, I am re-using some of my previous pics, thought they fit well with this subject.)

I’m thankful to have my blog.  Your comments and support, and the therapy of writing, gives me a huge sense of comfort while I’m dealing with diabetes.  I’m thankful for my shots, my meter, and my patient family that magically knows when I’m high or low based on my mood.  I am thankful to have you all, my dear blog family.  Please know, we are in this together, I feel you.   XOXO

The Unapologetic Explanation

I want to clarify why I chose my blog name “Unapologetic Diabetic”.  Sometimes I find myself apologizing when I’m not at fault.  Bump into me at the supermarket?  Sorry.  Couldn’t catch the ball I threw?  Sorry.  Spill your coffee on me?  Sorry.  Injecting myself at the dinner table bother you?  Sorry.  That’s where I draw the line.  I need to do this, you don’t need to watch.

I won’t apologize for being diabetic.  I did not cause my diabetes.  It was like a lightning strike.  One day I was fine and the next...I was walking around with a completely unaccommodating pancreas. 

I won’t apologize for crazy blood sugar numbers…I’m diabetic…it happens.  That said, I do try to keep from having them in the first place, I test and correct, but it does happen sometimes, and that is ok. 

I won’t apologize for being low and having to stop whatever I’m doing to inhale sugar.  NOTHING is fun when you’re low (no Hubby, not even that).  When I’m low I need to correct it.  My life actually depends on it.  My loved ones understand this, and they love me anyway.

I won’t apologize for having my DOC friend’s backs in a bar fight, should one occur.  Mess with one of us and you mess with all of us.  Anyone dealing with diabetes knows the bond it brings.  If you have a wonky pancreas, or adore someone with a wonky pancreas that can vouch for you, you’re in.      

I won’t apologize for occasionally baking goodies that have enough butter and sugar in them to make Paula Deen blush.  As long as I count carbs and take my shot (and get my ass on the “dreadmill”)…I can eat them too!

I won’t apologize for the dumb mistakes I make dealing with diabetes.  You live and learn.  After seventeen years I’m still learning about diabetes and working to stay healthy and happy for the long haul.    

I’m learning to accept myself the way I am.  I’m getting better at it.  Save the apologies for when you accidently drop an anvil on someone’s foot.  You should totally apologize for that.  J

The Number Game that is "D"

300

It can be a cool number, if it is say…

 

The movie full of hunky, sweaty Gladiators…Mmm Gerard Butler

A check in your name...Score!

Puppies!

The number of chocolates in your freezer...a delicious arsenal to treat lows!

An original price on some spanky “stripper” boots on a closeout sale (If you read Lora's http://www.mydiabetic-child.com/and Reyna’s http://betabuddies.blogspot.com/ blogs, you are familiar with the stripper shoe obsession)

A lovely Giftcard balance

It is a sucky, no good number if it is…

Your blood sugar upon wakeup today.  Nuff said.

Just to make myself feel better...I think another hot Gladiator photo is in order.

Allie and Me

My new article about my diagnosis at eighteen years old and the furry little angel that helped me through it was just posted on the Diabetes Health website. You can read it by clicking the following link http://www.diabeteshealth.com/read/2011/09/01/7254/allie-and-me/#share or visit the website at: www.diabeteshealth.com and click the article in my name - Meagan Esler.